Monday, July 23, 2012

Two year old grief.

Life just isn't always fair, and from my vantage point right now it couldn't be more true.  Life has been unfair to the little boy we picked up this afternoon.  For those that haven't been through it before, let me tell you that what we experienced this afternoon and what we are experiencing as I type this isn't for the faint of heart.  The loss this little boy has suffered in his first two years is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. 

To sit and watch a sweet and innocent two year old boy grieve like I would expect myself to grieve if I lost a loved one is SO difficult.  To listen and watch as he desperately called out for his "umma" until he couldn't muster up the energy to do it anymore after leaving his foster mother behind this afternoon was gut wrenching. 

This poor boy that we can now call our own is scared, and I would be to if I were him.  He has had three women in his life up until this point and he has lost each one of them. 

After leaving the agency this afternoon with him, we joined 3 other families in a van that took each of us to our hotels.  This is when he was calling out for his foster mother to no avail.  He called for her, he searched for her through the window, he climbed the seats in an effort to leave the van to find her, all until he just couldn't do it anymore and fell asleep standing up, landing softly in Sara's waiting arms.

He awoke as we approached our hotel and seemed to be in a good mood.  We knew the worst couldn't be behind, so we enjoyed the few moments of him being happy and we even caught a glimpse or two of that smile of his that could light up a room. 

After a few minutes of fun, we could tell he was getting upset.   Upset in the worst sort of way.  He was trying his hardest to fight back tears, almost as if though he didn't want us to know he was crying.   It was like the realization had set in within him that he wouldn't be going back to his umma.  From that point on he has been grieving.  Grief is a hard emotion to watch.  We feel almost helpless.  We can console him to the best of our ability, but that just isn't enough right now.   How can you convince a boy so young (that happens to speak a different language), that has been through so much, that he is in good hands? 

With tomorrow comes a new day, and hopefully the opportunity for Camden to rest assured (at least a bit) that we can care for him, and that his needs will be met, and that we love him to no end.

If you're reading this, and you're so inclined, please keep Camden in your thoughts and/or prayers. 

Thank you.


  1. Oh guys! My heart goes out to you and Camden. His grief must be heartbreaking. I know that in time he will truly understand that the love you have for him is deep and here to stay. Each day he'll realize that at bit more. You have my prayers :)

  2. Praying for your sweet boy and for you both. I hope you were all able to get some rest and that Camden starts to feel comforted by your love!

  3. Definitely praying for you and for Camden! Our Ellie has grieved greatly in her time with us (and some days, she still does, although not quite as severely). I know it's heart wrenching to see, but I have a saying that I've come to love. It's that "truth breeds trust". He will learn that you are true to your word to care for him, provide for him, love him. And that will breed trust in you. It's a beautiful thing, this adoption journey. Not easy, but beautiful! Blessings on you!

  4. I've been following your blog for quite a while and was thrilled to finally read of your travel call. We brought home our son, Griffin, in May of last year, three days before his first birthday. His grieving was heart wrenching and I can only imagine how heart breaking it would be for a two year old who understands so much more. I'm praying for you, your wife, Camden, and his foster mom. It's so horrible when you're in the trenches but it gets better. Thinking of you!

  5. Adoption is so beautiful and so hard! I'm praying for Camden's little heart, for peace, and for you guys, for strenght! I thought today, when Lucy was unhappy with me, that this must be how God feels... doing what's best for us and having to watch us struggle and fight against it. I'm praying Camden latches onto the love you're giving him quickly.

  6. We've been there. Oldest came home at 17 months old. She grieved for months. I'd spend 1-3 hours a day just holding her in bed (only child at the time) It was rough. Eventually it got to be a little less. Pretty soon she would go a day or even two without shutting down. Eventually it stopped. But at the time it was terrible.
    The babies have grieved too but in a much more mild way. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and pray. Praying for you, and little man's aching heart.

  7. He would still be distraught even if he realized that you could meet his needs and love him. The fact is he does not love you right now. You are a stranger who has taken him away from the one(s) that he loves, that he has known as his own, and he longs to be with his beloveds again. This is one more trauma that he is being forced to endure one that is being imposed on him by others and not at all of his choosing.Sometimes I try to imaginge myself, as the little girl that I was, being taken away from my mother and I KNOW that I would die.But with time and love he will make you his mother in his heart and though grief may remain in varying degrees the distress and fear will fade and get less and less. In adoption no legal paper can give us this privelege to move from being a stranger to mother or father; our child decides to own us in this way.So you'll love him, and care for him,and win his trust and when he is ready he'll adopt you as his mama.In the mean time might something like Skyping with his foster / caretaker ease his distress ... not sure if that's advisable or not.

  8. Sweet boy . . . my heart is with all of you. Definite prayers going up, sending some extra love your way.